


Stuck on You

by swiftkryptonian



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Second person POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-16 07:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14160003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swiftkryptonian/pseuds/swiftkryptonian
Summary: You were okay though. You were happy for both of your friends. You had to be. Because that is what a good friend does. But even now, almost three years later, you are still trying to be okay and happy for them. So far, it’s still not going well.





	1. Stuck on You [ Seulgi ]

**Author's Note:**

> Angst was coming at me like truck in maximum speed today and I'm just a deer caught in the headlights.
> 
> Seulrene angst. With a little bit of Wenrene. (But I don't think it would be appropriate to tag them since they're not the main ship in this story. I don't want to be disrespectful to the shippers.)

You are on the roof again because it’s just one of those days. One of those days where you feel too much and not enough, where silence and noises mix up, where your mind battles against your heart. It’s one of those days where you need an escape, an exit, a stop. You are thankful for the architecture of your family house for giving you this space, at least. This is your space. It’s not big but it’s enough for you to lie down and stare at the orange-purple sky above.

 

 _She would have loved this view_ , you suddenly think.

 

Your eyes close for a moment, pretending she’s right beside you. Like she always had been. Like she should have been now too.

 

If you close your eyes for a longer time, you can almost feel her soft hands stroking your cheeks. It’s calming. You don’t know how she does it but her touch can stop the storms in your head and you’ve always been grateful for that.

 

You open your eyes and sucks in a breath. You had your eyes closed for a while and the colors of sunset have already vanished. You miss it.

 

You miss _her_.

 

No one appreciates the skies as much as she does. At first, you didn’t get her fascination. She once told you that the skies vary in different places.  For you, all skies were the same wherever you go, no matter what day and what kind of weather it is. Yes, it may change colors but it will still be white and blue at some point.

 

But you realize now that she’s right. You get it now.

 

You hear your mother call you for dinner but you politely decline, stating you’re still full from the snack you had earlier this afternoon, which is a lie. You haven’t eaten since yesterday morning but your stomach doesn’t complain. Maybe it complained a couple of times … but you ignored all of those times. At this point, you think you might throw up if you shove any food down your throat.

 

 _“Seulgi-yah! Eat something!”_ You hear her not-so-gentle reminder in the back of your mind. It makes you smile a little.

 

Then the smile fades when you realize that although it is something she would say, it doesn’t sound like her at all. You clamp your fingers into white-knuckled vise-grips. You are starting to forget her voice. That can’t happen.

 

So you close your eyes again and focus on the memories of her, trying to recall her voice - encouraging, eloquent, soft.

 

A small smile appears on your face. Along with a few tears that roll down on the side of your head.

 

You quickly wipe the tears. She hates it when you cry. Unless, of course, it’s because you’re laughing too much.

 

There’s nothing to laugh about today though.

 

Suddenly, you feel a vibration in your pocket. It’s your phone. Surprise washes over your face when you saw a message coming from her.

 

 _Can we talk?_ It says.

 

You don’t respond immediately because even if it’s a question answerable by yes or no, you still don’t know what to answer.

 

It’s been four months, almost five, since the last time you’ve seen her. She might as well just be a ghost from your past. But it’s not her fault. It’s yours.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_It was a warm night and you just arrived at your friend’s upper-class apartment for a girls’ night, something the five of you always do to keep in touch no matter how busy and hectic everyone’s schedule may be. It happens at least once a week and you never missed it because even though you’ll never say it out loud, these people are your constant._

_You help the youngest, Yerim, prepare the food. Quite thankful that Sooyoung didn’t let her do the cooking because the last time you ate something she made, you got indigestion._

_When the table is finally set, you sit on the stairs with Yerim. She had that nervous look in her eyes and you asked what’s wrong but she only shook her head. You pretended to believe at first because there’s no use of forking the truth out of her. She hated it when she’s forced to say something she doesn’t want to voice out and you’re not going to do that._

_So you just quietly wait for two more of your friends to arrive._

_A twist on the doorknob_ _then_ _the front door opens._

_“I’m getting married!” An excited voice disturbs the quiet living room of Sooyoung’s apartment._

_Joohyun, your best friend in the whole wide world, held up her left hand to reveal a circular band with sparkling diamond - 2 carats is your guess - encircling her ring finger._

_Next_ _to her, Seungwan, your friend since high school and roommate in college, stood with an arm around Joohyun’s waist. “She said yes!” Her tone matching the excitement of Joohyun’s voice._

_You felt your heart fall and shatter._

_Yerim glanced at you with sad eyes before running towards the two newly engaged couple and embracing both of them in a tight hug. Sooyoung joined too._

_You’re still sitting on the stairs where your world turned into debris._

_They looked at you._

_“Seulgi-yah! Group hug!” Joohyun called._

_How can you refuse when she looks at you like that?_

_The answer is you don’t. You never did. You simply cannot._

_So you stood up and give her what she wanted. You hugged her. Just her. Hoping that your shattered heart will be mended by her embrace. It didn’t. It only breaks a little more when the others joined in. You masked your tears as tears of happiness. Maybe you’re good at masking your pain because … well, your friends believed you._

_You shouldn’t have been surprised. Joohyun and Seungwan have been dating for a long time, maybe two years now or more, you don’t really keep counting. They sure as hell are not going to end up just braiding each other’s hair forever, right? They will either break up or get married. But you didn’t expect the latter._

_The dinner was awkward, at least for you. Seungwan talked about how nervous she was about_ _doing the proposal. Her hands sweat so much beforehand. Joohyun’s first reaction when Seungwan knelt with a ring in hand was to lightly hit her arm while laughing and tearing up at the same time. Seungwan was scared she wouldn’t say 'yes'._

_“Unnie, what the_ _\- ?_ _You couldn’t have just said yes first before hitting her?” Sooyoung laughs._

_You pretended to be busy munching on food even if you don’t really have an appetite anymore. Because if you’re going to just keep quiet, you might as well be repleted, right?_

_After dinner, the five of you watched Netflix i_ _n_ _the living room. The newly engaged couple sat on the carpet; Joohyun’s head is leaning against_ _Seungwan’s_ _shoulder. Sooyoung sat comfortably on her massage chair with a popcorn in hand while you lied down on the long sofa, head against Yerim’s lap._

_Seungwan stole a kiss from Joohyun._

_You couldn’t stop the tears that blurred your vision. But you were grateful that you can at least say it’s because of the stupid sad movie._

_Yerim gently strokes your hair. “It’s okay,_ _unnie_ _,” you heard her mumble._

_You don't hate any of your friends. Not really._

_It would have been easier if you did though._

_But no, you do not hate them. You hate yourself._

_You kept in touch with them but you stopped going to girls’ nights after that._

 

 

* * *

 

 

You are still staring at your phone as if it would magically compose a reply.

 

Another minute and you decide to leave it on read.

 

Your phone vibrates again. A new message appears.

 

_Please, Seulgi._

 

Joohyun rarely begs, you know that. But when she does, she clearly is desperate and when she’s desperate, there’s no stopping her.

 

This might take forever if you ignore her.

 

You sigh.

 

 _What about?_ is what you replied.

 

_Not over the phone. Meet me at our usual spot tomorrow?_

 

The coffee shop downtown that makes the best red velvet cupcake. That’s you and Joohyun’s usual spot since she was eighteen and you were fifteen. It’s been months since you last stopped by.

 

 _Okay_ , you simply message back.

 

_10am_ _._

 

You already regret your decision.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_When you transferred to this school, the first gossip you heard was about a senior girl named Bae Joohyun. Something about her being into girls. You heard one hopeful girl in the hallway already planning on how to ask the girl out. It’s what everyone was talking about on your first day._

_You didn’t get what’s the big deal with that. You believe people’s sexualities shouldn’t be other people’s business._

_You didn’t get what’s the big deal until Bae Joohyun herself sauntered on the library the next day. You recognize her because the guy from the next table was being a little too loud about it._

_Her hands brushed on the books displayed i_ _n_ _the fiction section. She grabbed “The Price of Salt” by Patricia Highsmith. You weren’t surprised._

_But you were surprised when she sat across from you._

_Now that you are face-to-face with her, you finally get what’s the big deal about Bae Joohyun liking girls. She’s one of those girls with “Do I wanna be you or do I wanna be on you?” vibe._

_She was a magnet and your eyes are ferromagnetic._

_Bae Joohyun smiled._

_You blinked._

__  
  
  


_That was the only interaction you had with her for the rest of your freshman year because she’s finally free of high school and off to college. During her graduation day, you saw her locker filled up with love notes, both from boys and girls. Mostly girls. She picked it all up with a smile and put in a small paper bag to take home. You wanted to congratulate her but your foreign friend, the mid-year transferee, called you for help to rearrange some club bulletin board._

_It’s not like your congratulations will matter to her anyway. She doesn’t even know you._

_You let it go._

__  
  
  


_Summer break only meant a break from school. You wished it meant a break from life in general, too. Because today you just want to stay at home and rest. But you can’t even do that. Your summer job started yesterday in this new coffee shop two blocks away from your school._

_You reminded yourself not to complain. The job wasn’t even that hard and it will pay well. By the end of your contract, maybe you’d finally be able to afford_ _those new sneakers_ _you saw in the mall last week._

_All your future complaints crashed and burned when a purple-haired girl dressed in_ _simple_ _white shirt and black leggings entered the coffee shop. She may have dyed her hair but you were a hundred percent sure who it was. Bae Joohyun._

_She scanned the sweets on display. You couldn’t help but stare until another customer called your attention and asked for a glass of water._

_You were about to get back to the counter. You were caught by surprise when a hand gently tugs your forearm. “Hi. I’ll take one of this please,” Joohyun pointed at the red velvet cupcake on display. “And also a strawberry latte.”_

_You swallowed nervously before nodding and punching in her order. She paid and sat on a table for two in the corner. Kim Jennie, your co-worker, was about to serve her order but you insisted on doing it instead._

_“Here’s your order,” you said as you carefully put her orders down the table. “Do you need anything else?”_

_“No. Thank you, Seulgi.” She replied with a sweet smile._

_The tray almost slipped out of your hand upon hearing her say your name. “I … you … you know me?”_

_“I sat across from you once in the library, right?”_

_You nodded dumbly. “I didn’t think you remembered.”_

_“I remember an amazing artist when I see one.” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Didn’t you win first place in poster-making and mural painting last November? You beat all the senior artists. And I thought they were already the best.”_

_You can’t help the proud smile on your face. “Thank you.”_

__  
  
  


_You enjoyed your summer job. It may have been short but it was fun while it lasted. And there’s only one regular customer to thank for that: Bae Joohyun._

_It had become an unspoken promise between the two of you that the little coffee shop is your place, your spot. A special place where Joohyun found her best friend and where you found your first love._

_Not that Joohyun knows that, of course._

__  
  
  


_High school finished faster than you realized. Four years of experiences_ _done_ _. You’re excited to be in college because you and your not-so-foreign-anymore friend of four years, Son Seungwan, got accepted in the same university as Joohyun. You’re majoring in visual arts and Seungwan is majoring in performing arts._

_Joohyun helped you and Seungwan find a decent dorm to live in. She helped you in cleaning, moving and organizing your things. She helped the both of you to adjust to_ _college, gave you a tour of the university, told you about the best cheap places to eat._

_Joohyun was always there with you. So was_ _Seungwan_ _. Eventually, the list got a little longer with the addition of Park Sooyoung and Kim Yerim, both tutored by Joohyun during her last year in college. The two youngest found a way to creep into your lives and found a way to stay. You didn’t mind at all._

__  
  
  


_“I kind of like Joohyun-_ _unnie_ _,” Seungwan said the morning after Joohyun’s college graduation party. You were both in your dorm and resting because you both had too much to drink last night._

_You chuckled, “I think a lot of people like her. She’s pretty easy to like.”_

_Seungwan shifted quietly on her bed, facing you. “I mean I like her, Seul.”_

_You have never seen Seungwan like this before. She’s giddy and blushing - might just be because of the hangover but whatever. Seungwan talked about Joohyun like she put the stars in the_ _sky,_ _like she’s the sun that gives light to the world, like she could calm a stormy sea with a smile or a stare. Maybe Seungwan is not wrong because you think of Joohyun in the same way._

_“Do you like her, Seul?” Seungwan asked curiously. “Because if you do, I will totally back out. You’re her best friend after all.”_

_Oh._

_You stared at Seungwan as if she spoke an alien language._

_You couldn’t say yes. You should have. You wanted to._

_But Seungwan is your friend too, after all._

__  
  
  


_It took Seungwan a year to confess to Joohyun. Joohyun was already working in a broadcasting company as a rookie announcer. You and Seungwan have only a year left in college._

_You watched Seungwan prepare for the big moment. Sooyoung helped her reserve a table on a fancy restaurant and pick up an outfit to wear. Sooyoung, of course, did not disappoint._

_Then you saw Yerim uncharacteristically quiet and lying on your bed. You snapped your fingers at her face. “Earth to Yerim,” you said._

_The youngest blinked. “Yes,_ _unnie_ _?”_

_“Are you okay?”_

_“I should be asking you that.”_

_You raised an eyebrow. “I’m fine. Are you?”_

_“I’m fine too.”_

_Sooyoung drove Seungwan to the restaurant, leaving you and Yerim alone in your dorm._

_“It’s not too late, you_ _know._ _” Yerim spoke, breaking the silence filling the room. “Tell Joohyun-_ _unnie_ _now or regret it later.”_

_“How did you … ?”_

_“I may joke around a lot but I see things,_ _Seulgi-_ _unnie_ _._ _” Yerim replied. “I see the way you look at Joohyun-_ _unnie_ _when she’s not looking. How your expression suddenly changes when Seungwan-_ _unnie_ _makes Joohyun-_ _unnie_ _laugh. How you put Joohyun-_ _unnie’s_ _opinions first_ _then_ _the rest of us. I am not offended at all because I understand. That’s what Sooyoung-_ _unnie’s_ _opinions mean to me because I’ve known her the longest.”_

_You couldn’t speak. You couldn’t stop soaking your pillow with tears either._

_Yerim was there to console you, at least._

__  
  
  


_You were okay though. You were happy for both of your friends._

_You had to be. Because that is what a good friend does._

 

 

* * *

 

 

But even now, almost three years later, you are still trying to be okay and happy for them. So far, it’s still not going well.

  
  
  


You almost forget about meeting Joohyun today because you woke up at 9:30 in the morning and your elder brother, thinking he’s funny, purposely spends almost half of his life brushing his teeth in the bathroom.

 

You choose a white Gucci shirt, black skinny jeans and a coal-black cap as an outfit then you’re ready to go.

 

“Where are you going?” your mother asks.

 

“I just have an urgent errand to run, _eomma_. I’ll be back soon,” you say in a rush. You start your car and drive away.

  
  
  


You have been sitting in your parked car for a good ten minutes. Death grip on the steering wheel. Tempted to retreat.

 

Joohyun is already waiting inside the coffee shop, seated on her usual corner. You see her order her favorite drink. You think maybe it’s not the best idea to leave her hanging.

 

So you don’t.

 

You never do.

 

You get out of the car and go inside. Joohyun greets you with a smile. The smile that you have missed for too long.

 

“Finally,” A sigh of relief. “I thought you already stood me up.”

 

“I … I did not.” _I never stood you up._

 

She offers the seat across from her and you take it. “Do you want a drink? Cupcake? Anything?”

 

You shake your head. “I’m okay.”

 

Joohyun’s smile falters. “I haven’t seen you in months, Seulgi.”

 

_I need a lie. A good lie._

 

“I’ve been busy with work,” you reply almost confidently if it wasn’t for that uncontrollable slight quiver in your voice.

 

Joohyun leans back in her chair, sipping on her strawberry latte. “Remember back in college,” she begins with a nostalgic smile. “When you said that the five of us should keep in touch no matter what. You made us a promise.”

 

You know what you promised and you also know what you were and still putting yourself through to keep that promise.

 

Joohyun rests her elbows on the table and moves closer. It’s almost as if she’s looking through your soul. You worry since you know how transparent you can be. But the panic only lasted for good three seconds because you remembered: if you are as transparent as some people say then why can’t Joohyun see through your secrets and lies?

 

“You stopped coming to our girls’ nights,” Joohyun continues. You hate the disappointment and sadness in her tone. “You barely reply to any of our messages. You refuse to meet me at your workplace.”

 

“I -”

 

“Seulgi,” she interrupts. She reaches out and holds your hand. It’s easy to get lost in the softness of her touch but then you feel the ring brushing against your hand. How can a tender contact make you want to break down? “I’m your best friend, right?”

 

_Oh, but you’re so much more._

 

“You are,” you mumble.

 

“I’m not yet replaced then,” she jokes. “Do you want to tell me why you’ve been avoiding us? Avoiding me? It’s been too long, you know. The girls missed you. I missed you.”

 

Where do you even start?

 

Too many years, moments and wasted opportunities have passed and now you’re lost.

 

Where do you start?

 

Your tears begin to fall, trembling lips follow. You bury your face in your hands. _Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry._ But it doesn’t stop.

 

“Hey,” Joohyun moves her seat beside you and wraps you in her arms. She lets you bury your face into the crook of her neck as she runs a hand through your hair. “Seulgi, tell me what’s wrong. Please, tell me. I can’t see you like this. We can’t fix it if you’re going to hold it in.”

 

_How can you even fix me?_

 

You suddenly think of Seungwan. This is wrong. You pull away from Joohyun.

 

“Seulgi, please.”

 

“Seu - Seungwan makes you happy, right?” You wipe the tears with the back of your hand.

 

Joohyun looks taken aback. “Y - yes.”

 

You heave a loud sigh. “Good. That’s all I ever wanted,” you say bravely. “For you to be happy.”

 

“Seulgi …”

 

You pick up a lavender envelope that has been sitting on the table for quite a while. You have been avoiding looking at it the moment you sit down because you know what it is.

 

“This is for me, right?” Joohyun nods. “Don’t worry, I’ll come to your wedding, unnie. You are both my friends. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You force a smile.

 

You stand up and instill a kiss on the top of Joohyun’s head. It’s something you’ve always wanted to do. You get to have that, at least.

 

With a last squeeze of her hand, you finally walk back to your car.

 

You let her go.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Your days are counted by how long until you lose both of your friends.

 

Because that’s what will happen eventually. They have each other. You have no one.

 

It’s exactly two months before the wedding.

 

 

* * *

 

 

You’re finally back on your old apartment after staying with your parents for the past six months. You claimed that a reconstruction of your apartment building is being done, which your parents believed. Your brother didn’t buy your lie though so you told him the truth about Joohyun after a month of succeeding to annoy you. You didn’t expect the tight hug.

 

Your apartment is as you remembered it. Messy.

 

It took a whole afternoon for you to clean up everything. You throw the bottles of soju that have been on the carpet for six months, burn the unsent handwritten letters and replace the broken picture frames that you threw on the wall the last time you were here.

 

Then the doorbell shrills, startling you from your relaxation. _Great timing_ , you mutter in annoyance. But you get to the door anyway.

 

A pale woman with strawberry blonde wavy hair comes to sight.

 

_Seungwan._

 

“Hi,” is all she says.

 

“Wa - wannie. Seungwan.”

 

“Can I come in? I brought something,” Seungwan lifts up the plastic bag she’s holding, which you can only guess as two tubs of ice cream. You let her in.

 

“You’re right on time. I just finished cleaning.”

 

Seungwan sits on the couch. You sit next to her but keep a small distance. She opens a tub of ice cream for herself and opens one for you too. You give her a spoon.

 

“You can come to girls’ nights now,” Seungwan says in the midst of scooping her ice cream.

 

“I - I was planning to. This Saturday, right?”

 

“Hyunnie and I called off the wedding.”

 

You cough, almost choking on the big scoop of ice cream you just put in your mouth. Seungwan gently taps your back.

 

“Wha - what did you say?”

 

“Hyunnie and I called off the wedding,” she repeats. So you didn’t just misheard it or imagine hearing it. “She is in love with someone else.”

 

Seriously, how many times can a heart break in a lifetime? Because you think you’ve reached your quota.

 

“Remember when I confessed to her about my feelings? Back in college?” You nod. How could you forget that when it stays on the back of your mind like the evil voices in your head?

 

“Sooyoung helped me with the reservation and stuff. When I got to the restaurant, she was already there, waiting patiently. Then I felt like the biggest disappointment when her smile falters the moment she saw me walk towards her.” Seungwan forces to laugh at the memory. “Sooyoung, that little _bitch_ \- don’t tell her I called her that - apparently told Joohyun-unnie that someone is going to confess their love to her. She just didn’t think it was me. She was expecting someone else.”

 

“B - but she loves you,” you try to reason out in attempt to make your friend feel better somehow. “I know she does.”

 

“She _did_ love me. I know that. I felt that. I didn’t doubt that she did at all.”

 

“Then why … ?”

 

“You don’t know what happens behind closed doors.”

 

You clear your throat. “Spare me the details please,” you beg. Because really, you don’t want to know.

 

“Not what I meant,” Seungwan chortles. “There were many times she’d have a nightmare and call out someone else’s name. Someone I’ve always been jealous of. Joohyun apologized every single time and I forgive her because I know she can’t control her brain activities when she’s asleep. But one time, she called out the same name during sex and trust me, I almost sobbed right there.”

 

The thought hurts but you laugh just imagining Seungwan crying while eating a girl out. _Stop. Stop. Stop._

 

“I should have just given up that night I confessed to her,” Seungwan says, sounding defeated. “Instead, I begged her to give me a chance, to prove that I’m good enough for her. I let this thing drag on for years.”

 

“Seungwan,” you reach for her hand. “You’re always good enough.”

 

“You always tell me that.”

 

“Because it’s always true.”

 

“I’ve always been so jealous of you, Seul.” Your head tilts to the side, brows drawing together. “You should have told me before. I would have backed out, you know that.”

 

“I - I couldn’t.”

 

“I hate that you suffered because of me, because of us. All these years, you kept it all in.”

 

Your gaze falls on the tub of ice cream on your lap. “I … I was there. You’re both my friends. You both mean a lot to me. You were so in love with her and she was so in love with you. I cannot ruin that.”

 

“But you already did since the beginning.” You meet Seungwan’s gaze. She doesn’t look angry. Just sad, so so sad. “Didn’t you see the way she always looks at you? The way she always puts you first before me or anyone? She would do anything for me but, Seulgi, she would give the world to you even if you don’t ask for it.”

 

You become motionless.

 

Seungwan pulls you in for a tight hug. “I’m so sorry for being selfish, Seul. I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

 

You wrap your arms around your friend in return.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Five weeks later.**

 

For the first time in years, you breathe with ease. You don’t feel like you are dragging an anchored heart every time you walk anymore. You feel lighter, more free.

 

“Roll up your sleeves a little,” Sooyoung instructs. You do as you are told. “Better.”

 

“Why do you look like a fuckboy?” Yerim wonders a little too loud. Seungwan laughs.

 

“Sooyoung!” you panic.

 

Sooyoung smacks the back of Yerim’s head. “What? She does!” Yerim insists. “But a really handsome fuckboy, unnie!”

 

“You look good, Seulgi. Don’t worry.” Seungwan reassures you.

 

“I’m already dead inside.”

 

“Yah, yah!” Sooyoung grips your shoulder and shakes you. “No dying until after the date!” Sooyoung picks up her stuff and takes off. You trail behind her.

 

“Good luck!” You hear both Yerim and Seungwan shout before shutting your door.

 

Sooyoung drives you to the coffee shop. Your palms are sweating and you can’t stop biting your lower lip.

 

“Don’t ruin your lipstick!” Sooyoung warns.

 

“It’s matte!”

 

“Yes, well don’t put it on your teeth!”

 

With a heavy sigh, you grab a tissue on the compartment and remove the lipstick stain on your teeth.

 

“We’re here,” Sooyoung announces. “I don’t get why you’re nervous. This is Joohyun-unnie.”

 

“Exactly why I should be nervous.”

 

“You can wear a garbage bag in your date for all I care and you know what? Joohyun-unnie will still love you. She will hit you first but she will still love you.”

 

You roll your eyes. “Whatever, I’m going.” You open the door and bid goodbye to Sooyoung.

 

The coffee shop is surprisingly a little crowded on a Friday evening. But it isn’t hard to spot Joohyun; she sits on her usual seat, reading a book and patiently waiting. A smile forms on your lips.

 

“Hi,” you say shyly.

 

“You’re three years late.” Joohyun closes her book and looks up at you, grinning from ear to ear.

 

“What can I say? I’m a selfless idiot.” You pull a chair and sit across from her. “What are you reading?”

 

She shrugs, “Just some tragic love story.”

 

“Somewhat like ours?”

 

“Tragedies don’t get happy endings.”

 

“We’re not tragic then.”

 

“Not at all.” Joohyun stands and leans across the table. “Kiss me,” whether it’s a demand or a plea, you lean forward too. Your forehead touches hers. The kiss is gentle and comforting. A long time coming. Worth all the wait.

 

It’s a promise of more to come.

 

“I love you, Kang Seulgi.”

 

“I love you, Bae Joohyun.”


	2. Stuck on You [ Joohyun ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything in Joohyun's POV.

_“Bae Joohyun, will you marry me?”_

_You felt an unexpected head rush hit you with full force. Your heart started to race. Your eyes started to moisten._

_Seungwan was kneeling in front of you, holding a black velvet box containing a shiny diamond ring. She looked somewhat scared but still_ _hopeful,_ _like she always does when she looks at you. You don’t know why is that but you got used to it. You learned to love the way she looked at you. Unreachable but not really._

_You felt your heart beating wildly against your ribcage. It’s scary._

_You playfully hit her on the arm as tears rolled down your cheeks. “Yes,” you answered almost inaudibly so you repeat in a much clearer and louder voice, “Yes, I will marry you.”_

_Seungwan exhaled loudly, not realizing she was holding her breath after popping the question. She put the ring on your finger. It fit quite perfectly._

_Seungwan hugged you tightly. The warmth provided by her arms flooding your body._ _In_ _that moment, maybe - just maybe - paradise does exist. And it’s right here, in her arms._

  
  


_“Ready?” Seungwan asked you before getting a hold of the doorknob to Sooyoung’s apartment door._

_You nodded with a smile._

_She gave you a peck on the lips before twisting the knob and pushing the door open._

_“I’m getting married!” You announced excitedly, showing off your beautiful ring._

_But why did it sound like a call for help in your head?_

_Your fiancée placed her hand on your waist and pulled you closer. Suddenly, the question faded._

_“She said yes!” Oh, what you would give for Seungwan to never lose that happy smile on her face._

_Yerim ran towards your way and hugged you both. Sooyoung joined in too. It’s almost suffocating._

_Your eyes met Seulgi, who remained sitting on the stairs. She was staring at all of you, mostly you, with a clenched hand on her knee. You noticed she’s shaking mildly._

_“Seulgi-yah! Group hug!” You called her in your most cheerful tone. You opened your arms for her and you weren’t disappointed when she clings to you, squeezing you as hard as possible. When you felt your shoulder getting wet with her sobs, you held onto her tighter._

_You asked mentally: Why are you crying, Seul? Is it because you’re happy? You’ve only cried like this when you’re too happy._

_Later on, the others joined the two of you for the group hug._

  
  


_You’re not much of a talker so Seungwan did the talking during dinner. She told everyone about the proposal. You found out she’s been planning about it for months. She took Yerim’s advice about how the proposal should be - intimate and just between the two of them. Your eyes caught the “thank you” that Seulgi mouthed on the youngest. You tried to kill the curiosity that built on your stomach._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Four months, nearly five, since the last time you’ve seen your best friend’s face. You wonder how she’s doing: _Is she eating well?_ You know how she likes to ignore the grumbling of her stomach when she’s distracted. _Is she taking care of herself?_ Your best friend, being the selfless idiot that she is, forgets her existence so long as she remembers other people. _Does she still smile as much these days?_ She’s literally the epitome of the “:D” emoticon. _Is she drinking less?_ You know she and alcohol do not get along very well.

 

“Hyunnie,” you hear your girlfriend - _fiancée_ \- approaching into the room. She holds a plate of cookies she just baked. The smile on your face feels automatic and so does the growling of your stomach. “Did you skip a meal again?” she asks worriedly.

 

You frown, “Not intentionally. I got stuck in a meeting with the higher-up.” You try to grab a cookie but you retreat your hand quickly when it suddenly burns. “Aish,” you hiss.

 

“You know it’s hot,” Seungwan laughs a little before taking your hand and blowing air on your burned finger. She gives it a gentle kiss. “Better?”

 

You nod with a smile. Seungwan blows air on the cookies to cool it down before feeding you one. Her baking never disappoints.

 

She moves to her side of the bed and wraps her arm around your waist. “What got you so worried?”

 

“Who says I’m worried?”

 

“You have that look on your face before I got in the room.” You don’t even try to hide it. You sigh. “What’s wrong, Hyun?”

 

Oh, but you don’t want to start a fight. Things are perfectly fine and secure this way, in the comfort of her arms.

 

But you don’t want to lie either.

 

“It’s just Seulgi,” you say honestly. You feel her hand tighten around your waist, not possessively. It’s more like a silent plea. “We just haven’t seen her in months, Wan. That’s all.” You assure her.

 

It’s her turn to sigh, “I know. I miss her too.”

 

You missing Seulgi goes without saying. Of course, you miss her. She is your best friend after all.

 

“Try to message her,” Seungwan suggests.

 

“We both know she’s going to leave me on read again.”

 

“She leaves us all on read.” Seungwan leans into your shoulder and playfully bites you. You stifle a giggle. “The sunset looks good today. Maybe Seul’s mood is as good as well.”

 

There’s no logical connection to that but you cave in. The moment you grab your phone from the bedside table, Seungwan kisses your cheek then excuses herself back to the kitchen to clean up the mess she made there.

 

You stare at your last conversation with Seulgi. It’s barely even a conversation when you left five messages and got nothing in return. You start typing - random gibberish words - then you stop. _What am I even going to say?_

 

You don’t want to come off too strong. So you type instead: _Can we talk?_

 

You wait. You distract yourself and go to the kitchen to help Seungwan in cleaning up. She has the brightest smile when she sees you descend the stairs. And you can’t help but wonder.

 

You always wonder _how, why_ and _what_. How is she so in love with you? Why can’t she stop showing it in every little thing she does? What did you even do to deserve her?

 

You stop thinking deeply about it. She doesn’t like it when you think too much because of her.

  
  


Fifteen minutes.

 

You glance at your phone. Nothing. Nada.

 

Twenty minutes.

 

Maybe the message is too plain and short. So you try again with a hint of desperation this time: _Please, Seulgi._

 

You and Seungwan cuddle on the couch, watching a movie you’ve put off since last week.

 

Then, your phone vibrates in your pocket. You shift a little. The surprised expression on your face doesn’t go unnoticed by your wife-to-be.

 

“Did she reply?” Seungwan asks.

 

“Yeah,” you answer, glancing at your phone then at her. Asking some sort of permission. She removes the warmth of her hand on your waist. “Thank you,” you give her a peck on the lips and sit up comfortably.

 

_What about?_

 

_Not over the phone. Meet me at our usual spot tomorrow?_

 

Your usual spot. The coffee shop near the school where you spent four years of high school. They always make the best red velvet cupcakes that you loved from the first bite.

 

 _Okay_ is her only reply. You don’t know what to make of it. Does she really want to meet up?

 

But you take the opportunity anyway.

 

_10am_ _._

 

You place your phone on the table and go back to being embraced by Seungwan’s arms. You feel her kiss on the back of your head. You smile.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_The rumors started spreading around during the first day of your senior year when people in your school found out about you kissing a girl during summer break. You didn’t know who started it or how they even found out. Some people just couldn’t stay away from your life, you guess. Maybe because they got none and yours was far more interesting._

_People asked and you didn’t even deny it. Why would you deny something true anyway? It was one of the best things to ever happen in your life._

_(You kissed Kim Yongsun, a girl from another class. Not that you would ever kiss and tell.)_

_What matters was that you discovered something about yourself._

_You like girls._

_You remain unbothered. Because, really, who fucking cares?_

_Then again, maybe the gossips were not as bad as you thought they were._

_You liked the attention you get, most especially from the girls on your campus. They left some notes of praise and confessions on your locker and on your seat._ _Basically_ , _anything that you own.  You walked down _t_ he hallway alone that day and you heard a sophomore girl squealing before handing you a box of cake. You accepted it with __many_ _thanks. The girl almost fainted._

_You didn’t crave the attention but you learned to like it somehow. Mainly because there’s no use if you let anger and worry consume you. So you just let it be._

_The second day was a bit lighter than the first. The attention felt like freedom now. You let them gossip about you. It will die down eventually because honestly it’s not even a big deal to your family so why should it be to strangers?_

_Some heads turned when you entered the library. Some with hopeful expressions, some wistful and jealous. You ignored it. You didn’t let some judging eyes take power over your thoughts. You sauntered in the fiction section. A smile crept across_ _your face when your hand brushed against a familiar book. You read it once or twice over the summer break. You took it._

_You contemplated on where to sit. Every table was crowded with groups of girls and boys. Except for one._

_So you sat there. You sat across an unaccompanied girl. You haven’t seen her before so you assumed she’s a freshman._

_You could almost feel her eyes all over your face but when you tried to meet her gaze, she looks away._

_Finally, on the third time she lifts her head up from scanning a geography book, you caught her staring at you._

_You smiled._

_She blinked._

  
  


_During your four years in high school, you never missed attending school competitions, especially ones that involved visual arts. It’s probably because you’re admittedly not a good artist and you wanted to know how they do it. How do these people just think what to create and their hands actually mirror what they think? It is both unfair and fascinating._

_The minute the artists finished and had their mural paintings on display, you already saw who’s got the edge on the competition - that tall freshman you sat across to in the library once. You also saw her win the poster-making three weeks ago._

_Your instincts were proven right when the announcement of winners happened._

_First place: Kang Seulgi._

  
  


_Last year of high school finished in a flash and before you know it, you’re jumping_ _round_ _and round the hallway because you got accepted in your dream university. The day before your graduation, Kim Taeyeon, your cousin, dropped by to personally congratulate you for it. You went out with her -_ _her_ _treat - in this newly opened coffee shop owned by her girlfriend, Tiffany._

_When you got back to school for the last graduation march practice, you found your lockers filled with sticky notes and some handwritten letters. You called Taeyeon about it. She laughed and during your graduation day, she gave you a paper bag, insisting you bring all of it home so you two could read it together. And you did as what you’re told._

_You put the last letter on the paper bag and from the corner of your eye, you could see that you got a certain freshman girl’s attention. At some point, you thought she’s going to approach you. But someone else had called her and asked for help._

_You can’t help the disappointment that washed over your face._

  
  


_During your graduation party, you and Taeyeon read every single love notes and_ _handwritten_ _letters that you received. But none of it really captured your heart. At least, Taeyeon laughed at some of it like there’s no tomorrow._

  
  


_You just moved_ _into_ _your college dorm. You shared a room with a girl named, Ahn Heeyeon. Later, you found out she prefers to be called “Hani” and so that’s what you called her. She’s beautiful, kind and interesting to talk to. She had so many stories to tell and you just know that this girl would make it big in the broadcasting industry someday. You hoped you will too._

_Hani dyed her hair red two months before the semester starts. She convinced you to dye yours too. You chose purple._

  
  


_Maybe it’s nostalgia, maybe it’s just boredom. But you found yourself taking a bus back to your town one day. You stopped by the coffee shop Tiffany owns. You scanned the sweets on display. Why did you even bother when you’re going to choose the same thing anyway?_

_Without looking, you tugged an employee’s arm gently. “Hi, I’ll take one of this please.” You pointed at the red velvet cupcake on display. “And also a strawberry latte.”_

_“O - okay,” came the girl’s stuttering reply._

_You’re on the counter and about to pay for your order and it took you by surprise when you see who the employee was: Kang Seulgi._

_Seulgi handed you the receipt and you wanted to say thanks but she quickly proceeded to make your order. You sat on a table for two in the corner and took out a book, "Kim Ji Young, Born 1982", from your bag._

_You’re on your fifth page when Seulgi approached your table and said, “Here’s your order.” She carefully transfers your order from her tray and to your table. “Do you need anything else?”_

_“No. Thank you, Seulgi,” you answer with a smile._

_You saw her hand tremble and the tray almost slipped out of her hands. “I … you … you know me?”_

_“I sat across from you once in the library, right?”_

_She nodded. “I didn’t think you remembered.”_

_“I remember an amazing artist when I see one.” Seulgi’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Didn’t you win first place in poster-making and mural painting last November? You beat all the senior artists. And I thought they were already the best.”_

_She smiled. “Thank you.”_

_It’s all out of the blue but you wished you could make her smile more often._

  
  


_So you tried to do just that._

_College won’t start in six weeks which meant you have plenty of time left. So, you make the most out of it._

_You visited the coffee shop almost every day. And every day, Tiffany insisted that you shouldn’t pay, that it’s on her. But you insisted harder, saying that business is business, and honestly no one can win against a competitive you._

_You always sat on the corner of the shop. Someone always made sure that it’s reserved and yours. It didn’t take too long for you to find out from one of Tiffany’s employees, a lively girl named Kim Jennie, that Seulgi always puts a “reserved” sign on your table at exactly_ _10am_ _._

_So rain or shine, you tried your best to come to the shop at_ _10am_ _every single day of your break. It was on the third day that you asked Tiffany a favor and borrowed Seulgi for an hour every day. Just to talk._

_Her laugh was a good bonus._

  
  


_Eventually, it had become an oath that this little coffee shop is your place. This is your spot. Your corner. It’s an exceptional space that held your heart dearly. A place where Seulgi found her best friend and where you found the love of your life._

_Not that Seulgi knows that, of course._

  
  


_College was exhausting. Countless of school works and minimal sleep. You’re doomed because you don’t even drink coffee or energy drinks to keep you up at night._

_But then there’s always the dependable Seulgi. Always up for a conversation, makes you laugh,_ _keeps_ _you awake with her silly stories._

_“Unnie, some guy asked me out by throwing a paper plane at me in geometry class.”_

_“Oh. That’s ... did you say yes?”_

_“I ripped that stupid plane to pieces.”_

_“Heartless, Kang.”_

_“The only thing I’m going to feel sorry for is the tree that died for that stupid paper to be made.”_

_Seulgi was definitely better than caffeine._

  
  


_Three years passed by in a blink of an eye._

_Seulgi finally graduated high school. You’re almost i_ _n_ _your last year of college._

_You’re not the type to skip classes at all but just this once, you did it for your best friend. You attended Seulgi’s graduation and watched her proudly on stage with three medals hanging on her neck._

_That same day, you accepted Seulgi’s invitation for dinner. It was to celebrate her freedom from high school. She looked so excited. You didn’t have the heart to decline even though you have an exam tomorrow and you need to review tonight._

_Seulgi introduced you to her family - her mom, her dad and her brother. A girl with long dark hair came a little late and she sat next to Seulgi. Seulgi introduced you to each other._

_“Joohyun-_ _unnie_ _, this is Son_ _Seungwan_ _. Wan, this is Bae Joohyun-_ _unnie_ _.”_

_Son Seungwan, you remembered her name immediately. You shook hands with her. It took you by surprise when she gave you a hug too._

_She studied in Canada and moved back here during Seulgi’s freshman year. She’s the same age as Seulgi and because of both of their passion for arts, they hit it off immediately. She’s fluent in four languages. She can play four musical instruments._

_You? Well … you read books._

_Suddenly, you didn’t feel like eating anymore._

  
  


_You’re not the type to let first impressions be your judgment of someone’s character so you let whatever unnecessary jealousy you first had against Seulgi’s other friend._

_It took only about a week for Seungwan to grow on you._

_You were ecstatic when Seulgi told you that she’ll be going to the same university as you are. Seungwan, too. Seulgi will major in visual arts and Seungwan will major in performing arts. It’s perfect for both of them._

_You helped them find a decent dorm to live in. It’s a floor lower than where you currently lived. You helped cleaning, moving and organizing their things. You knew how it felt not having someone to depend on during your first year in college so you did everything for them to be comfortable and adjust well. You tried to make it feel like home as much as possible because these two have crept up to your list of favorite people. (Seulgi has always remained on top of the list though.)_

_Soon, your list of favorite people_ _has_ _expanded with the addition of two evil prank geniuses that you tutored in English during the first half of your last year. Park Sooyoung and Kim Yerim._

_It’s been a rollercoaster since then._

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Where are you going?” Seungwan asks when she sees you picking an outfit to wear. She’s still in bed, under the soft comforters.

 

You wince. Did you even mention about meeting Seulgi today? You mentally shake your head. Why does it even matter? It’s not like you’re going to see a stranger. Seulgi is your best friend who also happens to be Seungwan’s friend. It’s not a sin to meet up with her.

 

And yet you can’t stop feeling nervous under Seungwan’s curious, judging eyes.

 

You’re never good with lies and you don’t even want to be. “I’m meeting Seulgi today,” you tell her.

 

“Oh.” Seungwan sits up. She pulls the comforter to cover up her naked torso. “Now?”

 

“In an hour.”

 

“Do you want me to come with you?”

 

“Don’t you have a rehearsal today?”

 

“Ah … yeah.” She presses her lips together. “I’ll just drive you then. Where are you meeting?”

 

“Tiffany’s coffee shop.”

  
  


As promised, Seungwan drives you to Tiffany’s coffee shop. Seulgi is nowhere in sight yet. Seungwan wants to wait and see Seulgi too but her manager called her and demanded her to go to the studio immediately. So, you’re here by yourself in your favorite corner.

 

As a friend of the owner and a regular customer, you don’t even have to point out your order unless you want a different one, which never happened yet. Jihyo - you saw from her nameplate - serves your order.

 

You take out a lavender envelope and put it on the table.

 

You greet Seulgi with a smile when she comes in. Ten minutes late. But it doesn’t matter. She’s here.

 

“Finally. I thought you already stood me up.”

 

“I … I did not.” But the look on her face says she wanted to.

 

You urge her to sit across from you. “Do you want a drink? Cupcake? Anything?”

 

Seulgi shakes her head. “I’m okay.”

 

Your smile falters. “I haven’t seen you in months, Seulgi.” You try not to sound angry or accusatory but you must have failed because Seulgi flinches.

 

“I’ve been busy with work.”

 

You lean back in the chair, trying to ease the sudden tension rising on your shoulders. You sip on your strawberry latte. “Remember back in college … when you said that the five of us should keep in touch no matter what. You made us promise.”

 

Suddenly, you hate yourself more than you already do when Seulgi’s face contorts in attempt to control her overwhelming emotions.

 

You move forward and rest your elbows on the table, looking at her earnestly. You were so good at reading her but now all you see are walls higher than China’s Great Wall. Must be something she built when she was avoiding you and the girls for months.

 

“You stopped coming to our girls’ nights,” you continue. “You barely reply to any of our messages. You refuse to meet me at your workplace.”

 

“I -”

 

“Seulgi,” you interrupt. You reach out for her hand. You hold it with care as if she’s the most fragile thing your hands ever touched. Maybe she is, she always will be. “I’m your best friend, right?”

 

_I’ve always been just your best friend._

 

“You are,” she mumbles.

 

“I’m not replaced then,” you manage to let out a laugh. “Do you want to tell me why you’ve been avoiding us? Avoiding me? It’s been too long, you know. The girls missed you. I missed you.”

 

Seulgi contemplates. You don’t get an answer for a minute or two.

 

Until -

 

She’s crying. Her lips are trembling. She buries her face in her palms.

 

_Oh god, what did I do?_

 

“Hey,” you move your chair beside your best friend and hug her tight, but not too tight. Her face lies in the crook of your neck. Hot tears rolling down on your skin. “Seulgi, tell me what’s wrong. Please, tell me. I can’t see you like this. We can’t fix it if you’re going to hold it in.”

 

_Tell me how can I fix you. Please, please, please._

 

All of a sudden, she pulls away.

 

“Seulgi, please.”

 

She wipes the tears with the back of her hand. “Seu - Seungwan makes you happy, right?”

 

Your body goes still.

 

“Y - yes,” you finally say. It’s true. Seungwan does everything in her power to make sure you smile and laugh, feel cherished and loved. Seungwan makes you happy.

 

_But not as happy as you make me._

 

Seulgi emits a long, deep breath. “Good. That’s all I ever wanted - for you to be happy.”

 

“Seulgi …” your voice trails off. Not knowing what else to say.

 

She picks up the wedding invitation that you placed on the table before she arrived.

 

“This is for me, right?” You nod. “Don’t worry, I’ll come to your wedding, unnie. You are both my friends. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Then she does the eye smile that you’re so fond of ever since you’ve known her.

 

That same smile breaks your heart now.

 

Seulgi stands up and you feel the lingering kiss on the top of your head. She squeezes your hand then leaves. She must have taken your heart with her because now there’s a painful void in your chest.

 

But your heart - it’s always been hers to take. To break. To make whatever of it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_“Unnie, are you busy on Saturday?” Sooyoung asked one Thursday night._

_You looked into your leather-bound planner. “No. Why?”_

_Sooyoung had that dangerous grin plastered on her face. “Well, someone I know wants to take you out on a date. Confess their feelings for you.”_

_You hoped Sooyoung wouldn’t hear the pounding in your chest. “Who?”_

_“It’s a surprise! So are you in?”_

_“Is it someone I know?”_

_“Oh, you know her very much,_ _unnie_ _. Don’t worry.”_

_You hoped it’s her. A thousand times, you begged the universe for it to be her._

_Stupid hope consumed you._

_You agreed to the date._

  
  


_If you were nervous, you clearly were doing a good job hiding it._

_You waited calmly on your table - reserved under Park Sooyoung’s name - and tried to expand the list in your head of interesting things to talk about. The last thing you wanted is to bore this person - hopefully, your best friend - to death._

_You didn’t expect for Seungwan to arrive with a bouquet of light purple carnations and an unusually optimistic smile._

_You were never good at masking what you really feel - disappointment. But then again, this is the happiest you’ve seen Seungwan had ever been and you couldn’t just take that away from her._

_You forced a smile._

  
  


_“I … I like you,_ _unnie_ _.” Seungwan said as you’re walking on the busy streets of the city, on your way back to your apartment and she to_ _her dorm. She’s been avoiding your eyes throughout the evening but she finally got the courage to look at you in the eye. “I really like you, Joohyun-_ _unnie_ _. I wanted to tell you for so long but I -_ _I’m_ _scared that you’ll get mad at me.”_

_“Wan, I’m not mad at you.” You reassured her. Why would you even be mad at her?_

_“I … I just want a chance,_ _unnie_ _. I want to show you how much I care about you … if you let me.” She said with much sincerity._

_You bit your lip in order to stifle a sigh. You didn’t want to break her heart. Not now, not ever. She’s your friend. Your best friend’s friend, too._

_God, you wished you could resist_ _Seungwan’s_ _begging eyes._

  
  


_One date became two, three … then the rest was history. You and Seungwan started to see each other three times a week after your first date. She always made it on time with your dates. Never failed to surprise you. Never forgot to keep her promises. Made sure you’re doing alright. You enjoyed her company, her sincerity, her patience. Seungwan is kind and caring; sometimes you wonder if her mother conceived her with a hope that her daughter will be a saint when she grows up._

_In short, Son Seungwan wasn’t hard to love._

_And somehow, you fell in love with her._

  
  


_The two of you became an official couple after three months of going out._

  
  


_To say that it was a smooth run for two years would be a big fat lie._

_“You barely look at me when she’s around,” Seungwan grumpily mumbled before sliding in your bed. “I wonder why.”_

_“Are we really going to argue about this again, Wan? Really?”_

_“I’m just curious! There’s no need to argue.” The not-so-subtle accusatory tone in her voice pissed you off._

_“Seulgi’s my best friend!”_

_“I certainly don’t look at my best friend like I’m in love with her.” And as if that’s not enough, she adds, “And I don’t moan my best friend’s name while having sex with my girlfriend!”_

_Oh, there it goes again._

_You shifted to your right, turning your back against her. You didn’t say anything anymore. You closed your eyes._

_“Sometimes I wonder if you ever get nightmares of losing me like you do with her.”_

 

 _The thing is you didn’t get dreams about_ _Seungwan_ _. Not even bad dreams. You hated yourself for that._

 

 

* * *

 

 

You try to convince yourself that it’s just cold feet. Definitely just wedding jitters.

 

But the wedding is still two and a half months away.

 

So you try to fix this. Fix yourself. Fix everything.

 

 

* * *

 

 

You’re pacing back and forth on your bathroom, rehearsing what you’re going to say and what you’re not going to say, breathing in and out, trying to gather the remaining composure that you have left.

 

You twist your ring a couple of times.

 

You finally get out of the bathroom and meet Seungwan in the bedroom.

 

“So how are you going to do it?” _How are you going to break my heart into million pieces?_

 

The question takes you by surprise. You couldn’t move.

 

Seungwan looks lost, scared and miserable. It hurts, it hurts so much. It’s devastating to see her like that, knowing it’s your fault. It’s your damn fault.

 

You forget that you’re not wearing the ring and that you’re still anxiously toying it.

 

“Just say it,” Seungwan begs. “There’s no other way now, is there?”

 

Your hatred of yourself only grows when you hear her whimper. You curse yourself.

 

You take her hand and go down on your knees like a defeated warrior from war. You unclench her fist and give her the ring. “I loved you but I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, forgive me, I’m sorry …” you repeat over and over until your apologies turn into sobs.

 

Seungwan still lets you stay the night. One last time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Two days later, you find a new place to stay. Taeyeon helps you move out. And surprisingly, so does your ex-fiancee.

 

“You know, I’m really glad that you don’t buy shit you don’t need,” Taeyeon says, dropping the last box of your things on the carpet.

 

“She’s efficient like that,” Seungwan asserts.

 

You take it as a compliment, of course.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It’s two weeks later and two months before the supposed wedding when you and Seungwan both inform your families, friends and guests about calling off the wedding. Seungwan is kind enough to not give everyone an explanation because she doesn’t want anyone to demonize you, which you think is something you absolutely deserve.

 

“Life happens, Joohyun.” she tells you. “It’s not your fault. I don’t think either of us is to blame. Least of all, Seulgi.”

 

Your heart - whatever is left of it - feels at ease.

 

You take Seungwan by surprise when you hug her from behind. “I’ll always be grateful for you, Son Seungwan. Don’t ever forget that.”

 

“Same goes to you, Bae Joohyun.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Seungwan goes to Seulgi’s apartment to personally tell her about the “wedding cancellation of the century”, as she puts it.

 

You let them have it. Give the time and space to talk and reconcile.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Five weeks later.**

 

“I’m going to leave you now,” Taeyeon attempts to loosen the tight grip you have on her forearm. “Come on, Hyun. This is just Seulgi!”

 

“It’s not _just_ Seulgi, unnie!” you tell her, a little offended. “It’s Seulgi. The Kang Seulgi I’ve been in love with since we started seeing each other in this stupid coffee shop -”

 

“Hey!” Tiffany growls.

 

“Sorry, Tif!” You sneer before getting back to your cousin. “I’m scared!”

 

“Well, isn’t this a first for you, Miss Bae?”

 

“It’s actually not,” you confess.

 

The corners of Taeyeon’s mouth turn upwards. “You’re going to be just fine, Joohyun. Think of it as a second chance. You won’t fuck up a second chance, right?”

 

“Of course not!”

 

“Then, you just have to believe yourself. Everything will be fine.” Taeyeon ruffles your hair.

 

“Sooyoung texted me. They’ll be here in twenty.” Tiffany informs you.

 

“Oh, my god.” You fall into your seat. Suddenly, your knees are weak.

 

Taeyeon gives you something to read to calm your nerves. It helps.

  
  


“Hi.”

 

_Seulgi._

 

“You’re three years late.” You reply jokingly, grinning from ear to ear, before closing the book.

 

“What can I say? I’m a selfless idiot.” She takes the seat across your table. “What are you reading?”

 

You shrug disinterestedly, “Just some tragic love story.”

 

“Somewhat like ours?”

 

“Tragedies don’t get happy endings.”

 

“We’re not tragic then.”

 

“Not at all.” _We’re not. I’ll make sure that we’re not a tragedy._

 

Maybe it’s too soon, too early. But god, you waited long enough for this. You stand and lean over, elbows propped on the table. “Kiss me,” you don’t know if it’s a demand, a plea or just plain desperation that came out of your mouth.

 

It’s not important.

 

What’s important is that Seulgi leans in, letting your foreheads touch first, before diving right in. Soft, slow lips molding perfectly with each other. Taking both of your sweet time - because you have it. You have all the time in the world.

 

 _Euphoric._ You wouldn’t mind doing it again. Maybe later. When Taeyeon and Tiffany are not watching over the two of you from the counter, probably thinking they're so slick.  _Pabo._

 

“I love you, Kang Seulgi.” You can finally say that after restraining yourself for too long.

 

“I love you, Bae Joohyun.”

 

Oh, there goes the words that you will never get tired of hearing.

 

And you’re willing to spend the rest of your life figuring out what it takes to hear that from Seulgi over and over again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mind won't let me rest unless I write this. It's surprisingly longer chapter than the first. WTF. I will probably add one last chapter for Seungwan too when I have the time. I hope you like it. Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> Blame it on the lack of Seulrene and how Wenrene always thrives, I guess. (Though I still lowkey ship Wenrene because reasons.)
> 
> PS. I might add another chapter/s including Joohyun and Seungwan's POVs.


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